When we were still in Crete (oh god it was only a couple of days ago we returned to London and I started feeling nostalgic already) anyway…so when we were in Crete last week we went to this little beach. Not even a real one as only locals are going there because there is no real seashore there. It is more like a little bay with a concrete pier.
However the water was beautiful like on postcards: turquoise and blue and of course crystal clear. This was the second time we went there and we saw a bit more people than last time and there was this lady I could not stop watching secretly. She might have been somewhere between 60 and death. It was difficult to tell her age. The first thing I noticed her boobs were. As she was laying on her tummy sunbathing and then suddenly turned and covered her breasts with her hands they moved very unnatural and something sticked out: the implants. I have never seen an old lady with breast implants. Then I had a look at her face and it was also very unnatural. Too smooth for other parts of her body. There was not a single wrinkle on her face however her skin on her body looked aged. Then I saw her hair going very thin on the top. She must have looked amazing probably 20-30 years ago as the base of her figure still was shockingly pretty. But she probably was not happy what God could give to her. Or someone else did not like her as she was. Or just did not want to loose that. Anyway. It was very moving that she really wanted to engage with my 15 month old little girl. I tried not staring at her openly. When we finally had a look at her with Joy and our eyes met she started smiling to Joy. I could see she was watching us for a while and was very much waiting for the moment when Joy noticed her and gave her a little attention. She seemed to be very happy from my little girl’s appearance. Next minute I saw the lady wiping her eyes with a tissue very gently. It might have been the wind. Which blew something in her eyes or might have been her, crying. I did not know her story but suddenly felt sorry for her. I am not sure where did she come from and why did she looked like Cruella De Vil but she definitely went emotional seeing us playing together with my daughter.
This image really stuck in my head however I did not dare to take a picture of her. I just felt a huge compassion towards her. Not sure why. I just felt she really wanted to preserve something which is not resilient at all: her beauty. And the result got so sad. So eternal. Like curving lines into stone. Her beauty left her and what remained instead was rather scary then beautiful.
Why cant we accept our age? Why cant we accept the fact that time makes deep grooves on our face and on other particles too. Beauty is fleeting. No matter what do we do.
I feel absolutely fine at the moment with my age. But I assume it is only temporary. My hubby still loves me, people still think I am younger than my actual age and I have a beautiful daughter who brought all this calmness into my life. I do not feel I should compete with 20 years old fresh beauties nor with 30 years old pretty ladies. I am who I am a 38 years old mum. In love with my child. Being a mum is probably the most demanding task in my whole life but I am still happy to do it. I love stroking her hair and smelling her. I love spending time with her. I love playing with her. I love caring with her. I love comforting her. I love hugging her. I love talking to her. I love being there for her 24 hours even if my hair is slowly going grey because I still cant sleep through a night. My body is aching almost everywhere, I feel dizzy from achy neck and my vision get worse and worse. I do not mind going old. I just want to live long. For her. I want to see her meeting her big love, getting married (if they want to) or see her being successful in something she loves doing. Or just being there for her when she needs some love because life is cruel and and life does not always treat us well. But as we say what does not kill us makes us stronger. Or more resilient. Older. Or wiser.
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