bubbles

well I have to admit that I was not too grumpy in the last couple of weeks. I guess as I am entering to the second trimester my hormons got stabilized a bit. Or I got the endorfines now or who knows…

Anyway I was happy especially  when realized that those strange feelings around my tummy are not coming from my bowels but those are actually movement of the baby! It feels like a big a bubble would grow in my tummy or as a friend said like butterfly wings. Also two days ago we had a midwife appointment where the midwife listened to baby and we all could hear the happy quick heart beating through her little ultrasound tool. Happy baby is kicking inside. Feels good. Feels calm.

So I coud say no reason for being grumpy.

But there is…I actually have to give up on something which was so significant in my life that it almost determined my whole character. I have to admit: I am a party girl and a concert junky. Even if the party means that go to a pub and get shitfaced or go to my beloved goth-postpunk-new wave clubs or what is more important going to gigs. That means the life. When I am at a gig especially if the sound technique is good I just let my whole body swimming with the rythm in the same vibration and I just stop being an individual person but merge into the whole scene become one with the music. Forget about all my problems all my difficulties and enjoy being.

So first I had to stop boozing. That was a pain in my ass. But hey at least I dont have hangovers and I still could go out with my friends. At least I thought. Hahhaa. I am so tried around 10.00 pm that the pleasure of the day is hitting the pillow with my head. My stamina is somewhere below 0 I hardly can climb up on the stairs. So no late night outs. Oh well I thought I still can go to gigs they finish around 11. Hahaha not all of them. I managed to bump into a situation where the gig started at 2.00 am! Well luckily not all of them. E.g on Thursday I went to see Fields of the Nephilim and they started so early that we actually missed the first 15 minutes. I thought I stay in the back that can be safe. My friend was really nice and protective and she stayed with me despite I encouraged her to go to the front. But still I could not defend myself when a guy bumped into me and into my highly sensitive boops. And standing for about an hour is also not very comfortable nowadays. My bump is growing and it cause trouble in my knees and in my low back. Should do more exercise…

Ok I still can organize houseparties thought so…And this was the last drop. No I cant. I started craving for getting really really  shit faced. At least once in 3 month. But of course I did not. I thought I let myself to drink one glass of wine. Well my body did not like it. I could not drink a glass of wine I poured out the wine at the end. Then everybody got drunk around me and I got pissed off that I cant also I got so tired my eyelids just wanted to close. Luckily a friend who lives close took all the guests and my hubby and they continued my Ugly Christmas Jumper party at his.

Shame. Bad mood. Grumpy. Had enough. End of my life.