40 weeks

So I reached 40 weeks today. I was really really hoping that baby would come a bit earlier but apparently she feels very comfortable inside and have no intention to come out yet. Oh well I know 40 weeks is just a number and I should not rely on that but I have to say having this date makes everything worse.

First of all we calculated 8th of June not 2nd of June but the doctor who had the first scan set 2nd of June as EDD even if we said that was too early. Actually this means I had a period at the beginning of my pregnancy. Anyway during the past  6 months I just set myself to this date more over I crossed my fingers for earlier date as I mentioned above…

This due date is soooo stupid! Only 4 % of the women deliver on their due date but by the time you get there you just wait for this date like for salvation. I do not know why but I am very much anxious despite the hours spent with practicing hypnobirthing. Oh well I know why I am anxious. All my NCT class members already had their babies. Most of them earlier than their due date or on the date. Even if I know that I am absolutely not late and it is the result  only of an unlucky grouping  I still feel left out and left behind. Their babies are already 3 weeks old. And do not even mention the 30 texts per day they send to our what’s up group about breastfeeding and sleeping issues. I am not there yet! I need to focus on my own birthing to have a beautiful experience as I am hoping.   But getting all those stories about their birthing (not even the best ones) makes me anxious. ANd of course jealous that they already have their babies and getting back into shape. The longer I am pregnant the more I gain. I hate being fat. I hate having all these kilos on me.

Also…In the UK maternity leave is maximum 52 weeks.  the first 6 weeks of the maternity leave is paid nicely (90% of my salary) then I get almost nothing. And the clock started ticking on 24th of May. Since then I am just sitting here getting money for  doing nothing and consuming my precious time which I could have spent with baby if I had chosen not taking maternity leave that early. This means I will have already 2 weeks less with baby.

I have to admit it was nice last week as the weather was excellent I was very active, met friends, took long walks, went for dancing but this week my mood is just the same like the weather: grey and gloomy. And cold. I actually feel depressed. Which is amazing knowing that for going into labour I need the right hormons which would produce only when  I am happy. My poor hubby really try everything to cheer me up and help producing the oxytocin but it just does not happen.  I am sitting by myself and waiting for something to happen. Does not really help that people send messages asking about the situation. I know this is all with good intention but hey the road to hell is paved with good intention too.

The other thing is that in the meantime I feel guilty that I should enjoy my last free days and also the last chance to feel baby kicking and moving around inside me. But I just feel helpless and hopeless. And waiting for the first real contractions…

So how can I let it go? Why do we have due dates? Why do not they set it for 41 weeks? Like in France? Most of the first babies are late either way. Or just simply do not have due dates? Babies will come in their own time they are not listening to anyone. Why do we need dates to freak ourselves? You cant control this. Cant suggest baby to come out. No power no control. Unless you go for an elective cesarean section or sweep or induction.

But I would like to experience how is natural birth. So I am not going for any of the above.

I had an acupuncture section today tho. It supposed to give me contractions…Will see if it helps. But I already tried so many things. Being active, being passive, resting, drinking raspberry leaves tea, curry, pineapple, sex, walks what else can I do? Probably nothing. Just let it go. Baby will come for sure. Once…So breath in and breath out and patience. My time will come. Relax relax relax…