How fragile you are my little one.

My little one is not totally well these days. Had two episodes of strange vomiting bug and some even stranger allergy appeared just in the same time. The vomiting disappeared the allergy got worse. It looks like she has allergy to the iron climbing frames on the playground!

It was only a couple of hives initially then got worse and worse and today it creeped to her face and as I was rushing home to get some medicine (she has seasonal allergy too so I have antihistamines at home just in case) she started grasping for air turned snow white and I seriously thought she did not get any air. I ran into the flat tore up the cupboard and gave her the medication for allergy. She got better instantly but still I called 111.

Oh my they were asking so many questions. Luckily Joy got better and better but I was so stressed that of course started crying and screaming. Don’t even mention they called my Jane. Passing the phone to other people and passing my name as Jane. No you don’t want to called anything else when you are nearly panicking.

They eventually sent an ambulance. Only took them a 40 minutes little chat. But I know now in case of real emergency call 999 not 111.

The guys were great and Joy was thrilled to travel by ambulance to the hospital. Still not sure why we had to be taken there when I sorted her and she was fine but at least she could play with the toys in the waiting room for a couple of hours…and you know she wanted to get into that room in the morning when I was at the urgent care centre with an other issue. So yes me managed to spend this lovely day in the hospital instead of visiting my friend on the beach.

But it looks like my uti saved us from something worse. Imagine if this happens when I’m miles and miles away from home and the medication! Don’t even want to think about it.

I’m still concerned what happens if I forgot to take her medication with me because it looks like I have to stick with that from now on. And how can she live like this? Playground and climbing frames are her favourite things! How can I say to her no. How can I explain to her that she can’t climb anymore on those things??

How will we manage? Is there a solution out there?

Help. If anyone has similar experience out there…

Motherhood: service vs creative self-expression

I don’t have time for myself. I don’t feel I exist anymore. All I’m doing is work and ‘mothering’. These are sentences I often echo these days.

I don’t even know who I am. But let’s face it I have never known. So is that new?

I am desperate to leave some kind of mark that I am or I was alive.

That’s not new either.

Looks like not much has changed since my little one popped out to this world. Same old circles. I just did not even have the chance to think about these up till now.

Looks like having a baby is not really solve anything but only postpone things till who knows…

I think I was complaining that I did not have time for anything before Baby as well. But now I really have a good excuse not finding a passion. I don’t have time.

But do I really have no time or it is what it is: a good excuse for my impatience? Impatience which always prevented me from doing anything seriously. I start doing things but then it just get too detailed and I don’t have the patience to finish. I also don’t have the patience to thoroughly plan things. However I really learnt in my job that planning and preparing for an activity is basically more than half success.

So why I’m not taking the time to get enough practice to learn enough and then to enjoy. Have no idea. That is where I’m stuck. Instead of putting more effort I just stop. Like this blog there are so many bloggers who make a living out of blogging simply because they take their time and effort to make their site more popular. I simply say I wrote these posts for my memories. Which is not true. I want to leave mark! I want people to read my blog. I want to make a living out of writing or any other creative activities such as painting or making dresses or taking pictures.

Yes I think in an ideal world those are the things I would like to do. Taking pictures, editing them, adding to my fantastic blog which is all about my fab traveling experience and about the dresses I made or the painting I painted.

But reality is that I just don’t have time…

And I actually realised I want to be my 2 year old daughter. She can do whatever she wants. If she didn’t get she throws a tantrum. Even on the middle of the street. So simple.

Have to admit I followed her. When I really couldn’t do anything with her tantrum. I sat down the street and let my tears flowing. Then people came and helped me. So it worked 😉