Probably every family who has already one kid get to the point to start thinking to have another one. In my case I did not even want to hear about a second child till I got my well deserved 2 weeks holiday away from everyone and everything that I was longing for so long. I love escaping from the winter to some nice tropical country but that has not happened in the last 4 years .
So as soon as we did not have to pay too much childcare and I had my saved small amount bonus we just booked flights to Costa Rica in September. We were continuously talking about whether to have a second child or not. I am very ambiguous about this question. Just like my hubby. In fact just before the holiday we had an ‘accident’ and I got so panicked that I ran to the first Boots for that morning pill just to make sure I did not have to think about this during our holidays.
So the plan was that we go to Costa Rica then we may have another baby if it comes.
Oh my god Costa Rica is paradise. I loved it so much I was crying on the last day to come back to London. I always loved biology from the age of 6. I always got involved with extra classes which meant to observ nature. Biology was the only subject I always cared for. Even when I was in high school and my grades went down I still had the best grades in biology. I had a vague plan in my had to be a medical doctor or biologist or fashion designer (not sure where this came from or how it related to biology..). My mum vetoed all of my plans and I became a physiotherapist as I still could study anatomy and physiology at the university and my mum thought it would be a great profession for me as a woman and a potential mother. I really could not care less about the mothering topic but I had no confidence to apply to medical university or to science university without my mum’s approval.
So back to Costa Rica. This country has such rich biodiversity that 5% of the Earth species can be found in this small country. I specifically wanted to go to the Caribbean side as I wanted to see the Caribbean sea and every website suggested this country if you travel with kids to the area. Also the Caribbean side is not that developed like the other side. We found no hotels or resorts but airbnbs and eco lodges. We found wild deserted, beautiful beaches with crystal clear water. On weekdays hardly anyone was walking around in this heaven. On Saturday we could see more local people coming out to the little pools created by coral reefs. We saw rough beaches with huge waves and calm lovely little pools ideal for our little one to play around. We visited beautiful national parks, learnt a lot about animals in 3 different animal sanctuaries, walked through a cacao farm to learn how the chocolate is produced. We lived in nature and with the nature. We woke up when the howling monkeys waking us with their loud screams above our roof and we went to sleep when the sun set. (Well mainly our little one but by 9:00 pm we were asleep too on the first week) I loved every minute of our stay. It was just perfect!
And then it happened in our second Airbnb which was literally up in the trees level that nature started talking to us. I heard a call for recreation and we did it. We tried to create a new life. Because we thought it would be great to bring back a little new life with us from Costa Rica.
Then we came back. And started panicking. We do not have a space in our life mainly in our flat for one more little human. But I felt my tummy was doing something. I felt that something shoot out of my ovary with some stabbing pain and traveling towards to my womb. I felt my boobs growing at night. And my panic was growing. Noo…We cant have another one. This is London everything is just too expensive especially childcare. And I started panicking to loose that little freedom I gained back recently. I was panicking that I am not a mother for two only for one. Panicking that I wont be able to divide my love between the two. Then my boobs calmed down. They went back to their normal size. I felt better. Then I saw a light patch in my pants. I thought it might be the sign for the coming period but next day nothing happened then I realized it was the 8th day after the last fertilization attempt and this could be sign of the zygote implementing into the womb. Panic Panic Panic Panic. Then asked hubby to buy a test. Test showed no pregnancy. Phewwwwww such a relief. I did drink too little cans of fruity craft beers which I found in the fridge as a left over from long time ago. Straight. Such a relief. Then this morning I woke up thinking what if we…
Story of my life. Anyone was walking in these shoes?
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